This week’s Torah
portion, Shemini, is disturbing. Two of Aaron’s sons, Nadav and Avihu, take
into the tabernacle an unwanted sacrifice of strange fire, and G-d strikes them
dead. Moses tells Aaron that their deaths were not only G-d’s will, but really
what G-d wanted, and had said would be. Then Moses tells Aaron and his two
remaining sons, Eliezer and Itamar, not to mourn for their recently deceased
loved ones. And Aaron is silent. It is obviously tragic that Nadav and Avihu
die. It is also upsetting that Moses’s response is so callous, and curious that
Aaron is silent.
When tragedy strikes,
it is hard to know how to respond properly. A first instinct is to try to make
sense of it and in a situation that is truly senseless, a rationalizing
response (“This is what the Lord spoke”) could come out as offensive, even if
that isn’t the intent. Similarly, it is hard to see those you love in pain, and
another instinct might be to say, “Don’t cry, don’t be sad, let me help you
move on.” Actually, it is good to cry and be sad sometimes. People need time to
sit with their feelings and grieve before they can really move on in a healthy
way. This is not only true after death, by the way. There are many types of
loss, and even something which seems trivial to one person, may actually be
really hurtful to another person. I try really hard not to get too attached to
things, and if something were to happen to my Kindle Fire, I would probably try
to pretend it was not a big deal. After all, it’s just a thing; it’s not
anything like a death. In actuality, I would be devastated deep down about the
loss not only of my device, but all the materials I have saved on it! It is
okay to accept and express feelings of loss even over things that may seem
silly. It is necessary to let your feelings out in order to healthily move on.
However, in times
of grief or extreme stress, there may be a tendency to lash out, and that is no
good. We want to express our feelings, but we should be careful to express
truthful feelings, and not simply lash out and project or be hurtful to those
we think can handle it. Moses shares words with Aaron and his remaining sons
that I think he means to be helpful. They sound not really so helpful. It would
be understandable for Aaron to snap and tell Moses to shut up, but that would
also be not really so helpful. It could damage Aaron and Moses’s relationship,
which could mean losing a supportive family member (or at least a family member
trying to be supportive), and actually make the healing process harder. Instead
Aaron just remains silent. He accepts Moses’s advice, and understands Moses’s intent,
and continues on with his duties. According to the Midrash Rabbah, it is as a
reward for his holding his tongue that Aaron is able to actually have a
one-on-one conversation with G-d in chapter 9, verses 8-11 (distinct from the
rest of the Torah, where G-d speaks only to Moses or occasionally to Moses and
Aaron together). Rabbi Nachman of Breslav said, “In
youth, one learns to talk; in maturity, one learns to be silent.” It is not an
easy lesson to learn, or an easy value to remember, but sometimes, silence is
golden.
I pray
that you all have easy lives, with little tragedy, easy relationships, and an
honest heart. However, life is not always easy, there are occasional tragedies
for everyone, some relationships are difficult, and even the most honest person
must learn what truths are better held close to one’s heart. When you find
yourself in such a situation, may you remember Aaron’s silence, and keep to the
old adage: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Amen and Shabbat Shalom.
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