Parashat Vayetzei - The Revelation is the Not-Knowing

Shabbat Shalom. This week’s Torah portion is Parashat Vayetzei, in which Jacob is fleeing from his birthplace on a journey to find peace, purpose, and love. He stops for the night and sleeps with rocks for pillows and dreams of Angels going up and down a ladder reaching all the way up to the heavens. When he awakes, he exclaims, “Surely the LORD is present in this place, and I did not know it! How awesome is this place! This is none other than the abode of God, and that is the gateway to heaven.”

The medieval Italian rabbi Sforno comments on the alarm that Jacob seems to feel at discovering this is the abode of God, and implies that it is all the most so a holy space that Jacob was able to have Divine dreams despite not knowing and not being prepared for such a spiritual experience. But modern day commentator Avivah Gottlieb Zornberg expresses the view that it is precisely because Jacob did not know and was not prepared that he was able to experience the revelation at Beth-El. “He wakens,” she says, “with the deep conviction that he did not know. He has brushed against a knowledge that could only arise from the way of ignorance. In such profound shifts of experience, the revelation is the not-knowing; the sense of previous darkness itself intimates a dawning light.” I love the way she writes. The revelation is the not-knowing.

When I was 16, I journeyed to the URJ Kutz camp in search of something I was not yet clear I was looking for. I had not previously given much thought to God beyond what I was taught from the Torah in religious school. But there I found community and spirit and abundant love that one morning I awoke with Jacob’s sense of Awesomeness in that place. The sudden awareness of the not-knowing was with me and the drive to know, to find God in more places, was kindled. It was then and there that I began my journey to the rabbinate. There have been many more moments of not-knowing and of revelation and some moments that are both or somewhere in between. That’s part of what it means to be Jewish, a foretelling of the God-wrestling that Jacob will also do in the next parasha.

When Mary first entered our building, it was as a part of a comparative religions course with her church. She knew she was looking for something, but she didn’t know it was us until that night. She knew she was a wanderer in the desert of spiritual seeking, but she didn’t know that that is precisely what has always made her Jewish. Like our father Jacob, once she discovered that God was in this place, she set to work to acknowledge that Divine presence. She quickly became a regular attendee of Shabbat services, began some self-study of Judaism and a process of introspection, and after three years started her more formal studies with me. I have to say, it was such a joy to learn with Mary and to discuss all the mysteries of the universe with her. I indeed found more moments for myself of that revelation and awareness of not-knowing and the God-wrestling that makes Judaism so beautiful and engaging and whole, and I could see that Mary did as well. And now, after about 4 or 5 years since that first awakening to how awesome this place is, Mary has fully and officially joined Am Yisrael and can unquestionably fully participate in any and all aspects of Jewish ritual here at Ner Shalom, and I think I speak for all of us when I express pride and gratitude and welcome to this wonderful Jewess.

My blessing for all of you this Shabbat is that whether you were born Jewish, raised Jewish, studied Judaism, or just walked in off the street tonight, is for you to feel how awesome this place is, that God is among this community even if you did not previously realize it, and may you awaken one day to your own personal revelation and sudden knowledge of that which you did not, could not know, for it is a profound and beautiful feeling. Amen and Shabbat Shalom.