Parashat Tetzaveh

            Shabbat Shalom! This week’s Torah portion, Parashat Tetzaveh, deals mostly with the garments and accessories the priests will need while they serve in the Mishkan. However, before it gets into all that throughout Exodus chapter 28, it opens with the last two verses of chapter 27, “You shall further instruct the Israelites to bring you clear oil of crushed olives for lighting, for kindling lamps regularly. Aaron and his sons shall set them up in the Tent of Meeting, outside the curtain which is over [the Ark of] the Pact, [to burn] from evening to morning before the LORD. It shall be a due from the Israelites for all time, throughout the ages.”

            The Chassidic Masters comment on the necessity to crush the olives to make the oil for lighting: “When one speaks crushing words of rebuke, it must be with the sole purpose of enlightening, illuminating and uplifting one’s fellow. Never, God forbid, to humiliate and break him.”

            All too often, when we are hurt, or angry, or afraid, it is easy to lash out at the person we perceive to be the cause of those emotions. Whether in personal confrontation or in social media call-outs, our instincts are often to jump to conclusions, respond emotionally, and assume bad faith. But as we see time and time again in public discourse, this often leads to the offender also getting defensive in turn and doubling down. I don’t think any of us go into these interactions with the intent to humiliate or hurt others, but when people are upset, our brains have a tendency to sort of shut down and retreat into our animal instincts – to freeze, flee, or fight. If we freeze or flee, we allow harmful behaviors to pass by without comment. Sometimes we need to do this, just to allow ourselves a breather. We can’t be on guard to educate everyone on our own perspectives all the time, and if the person isn’t causing direct harm to you or a loved one, sometimes we just need to know how and when to pick our battles. If we do decide to “fight”, we risk responding illogically and fumbling the argument, causing damage to our relationship with the person we are confronting, potentially without any gains. We must do our best to take deep breaths, and only enter into these difficult conversations when calm, and preferably in person where possible. We must ask ourselves why we are having these conversations and how we can be most productive in them. We must call to mind the crushed olives of the oil lamp, enlightening and illuminating, crushed with a higher purpose.

            I hope you don’t need to have any such difficult talks this week, but I know you will eventually. I invite you to imagine your words of reproach as an oil lamp, bringing controlled light into the darkness of ignorance. May you find the words that bring peace and illumination into your relationships, and may your relationships grow stronger with deeper understanding of one another. Amen and Shabbat Shalom.