Parashat Noah - At Hogwarts

And now let us tuck in on the true Torah of Hogwarts. “Noah was a righteous man, blameless in his generation.” Rashi quotes the Talmud and explains to us, “Some of our Rabbis explain this to his credit: he was righteous even in his generation; it follows that had he lived in a generation of righteous people he would have been even more righteous owing to the force of good example. Others, however, explain it to his discredit: in comparison with his own generation he was accounted righteous, but had he lived in the generation of Abraham he would have been accounted as of no importance (cf. Sanhedrin 108a).” Rashi goes on, this time bringing in some material from the Midrash Rabbah (another rabbinical endeavor from a similar time period as the Talmud) saying, “In the case of Abraham Scripture says, (Genesis 24:40) ‘[God] before whom I walked’; Noah needed God’s support to uphold him in righteousness, Abraham drew his moral strength from himself and walked in his righteousness by his own effort (Genesis Rabbah 30:10).”


There’s a lot of comparing Noah to Abraham, which I would guess Noah would find annoying. No one wants the judgement of their own character to be something along the lines of, “Well, he’s not as great as the other guy…” So to best dive into a character analysis of Noah, we turn to the greatest insight tool known to man, wizard, and beast. The Sorting Hat. Which Hogwarts House would Noah be sorted into based on what we know about him? To answer this question, first I asked the Internet. I heard compelling arguments for all four houses:

1. One rabbi said, “I thought Gryffindor. Apparent foolhardiness in the face of criticism (one way of framing bravery) is a Gryffindor thing.
2. One well-educated Jewish professional said, “Ravenclaw. Shipbuilding is hard: astrological navigation, realizing you could use birds to detect land, etc. Noah's a dork,” much like those Ravenclaw know-it-alls.
3. One rabbi, one rabbinical student, and one Universalist Unitarian minister agreed on Slytherin, though the rabbi certainly pondered the merits of all the Houses before reaffirming the reaction from her kishkes, while the other two left it at, “Slytherin no doubt. Ambition, self-interest, the whole package,” and, “He had a job that needed doing even if it meant letting the rest of the human race die.”
4. Three laypeople voted for Hufflepuff, first because of the apparent passiveness of Noah following God’s orders and the Hufflepuff likelihood of getting swept into whatever mischief their friend’s are up to. I, being a Hufflepuff myself, argued that the reason Hufflepuffs get swept into things outside their control is due to their loyalty to their friends. Noah clearly had no loyalty or no friends, because he let the entire world die aside from his immediate family and some animals. The case was then made: “it could be argued that loyalty and faith are sister traits in this lens; Hufflepuffs are loyal to their fellow humans because of an inherent faith in humans. Noah was loyal to his lord’s vision because he had strong faith.” The last evidence in favor of Hufflepuff was that they’re hard worker too. Noah definitely had to work hard.

Further ideas on the matter included one voiced opinion that matched my initial thought: Slytherpuff, meaning that the Sorting Hat perhaps would have told Noah he was equally fit for either Slytherin or Hufflepuff. However, that person did not follow up with reasoning, and so I think it is fair to discount that opinion. And lastly, one opinion that discounted the idea that Noah would have been in any house. Not because the question is itself a fantasy, but on the merits of Noah’s characteristic of leadership: “He would have created his own house and students would have fought like the third monkey on the ramp when it was starting to rain to get into his house.” I am not entirely convinced Noah was really much of a leader, as he was only doing what God told him to do, but I certainly agree with the final analysis of the no-House train of thought.


With three votes for Hufflepuff and three votes for Slytherin, and two votes for Slytherpuff, I posed the question: If the Sorting Hat told Noah he was equally fit for either House and he had some choice in the matter, much like with Harry, what would Noah choose for himself? No one responded. So I did the next piece of research and rational rabbi would do: I took an online Sorting Hat quiz trying to embody Noah. It really took Bibliodrama to the next level. I thought about how Noah would view himself: Righteous and good, and also better than everyone else; chosen for a Higher purpose; willing to risk everything to fulfill that purpose, including other people’s lives; hardworking and conscientious when it comes to the task at hand, but also slovenly when the wine flows. The result according to The Ultimate Harry Potter Fan Quiz, as promoted by Time Magazine, is that Noah was a Ravenclaw. The quiz results read: “Your personality shows a high degree of work ethic and friendliness, which are valued among members of Ravenclaw House.” The runner up by a considerable margin was Gryffindor, and the percentages for Hufflepuff or Slytherin were pretty slim.


I have to say, the results were shocking to me, especially after also determining through some 6-degrees-of-separation-style mental gymnastics that Enoch, Noah’s great-grandfather, was Midrashically Professor Severus Snape. You see, at the end of Parashat Bereshit as we are getting the genealogy that brings us to Noah, the Torah says, “Enoch walked with God and was taken away by God.” One Midrash says he was taken to be the Metatron and the Great Scribe. Alan Rickman (z"l) played the Metatron in Dogma. Alan Rickman also played Snape in the Harry Potter movies. Another Midrash says that Enoch was inconsistent in his piety, meant to be righteous but was easily distracted by wickedness, much like Noah, in fact. The rabbis give a similar meaning to both verses about each man “walking with God”. And, Harry Potter fans know that Snape can be pretty inconsistent in his righteousness and wickedness. He is given to jealousy and selfishness but also shows great loyalty and willingness to self-sacrifice for that which he cares about. Enoch is Snape, and has arguably passed on many of those qualities to his great-grandson, Noah. And yet, the descendents of the Half-Blood Prince have broken the cycle of repeating wickedness and followed the plans of God to rebuild a new world of reason and restraint.

I know this because the internet doesn’t lie. Or it was just a fun thought experiment and is ultimately meaningless. It’s up to you. But whatever you take away from this deep dive into Noah’s character and the essential characteristics of each Hogwarts House, I hope that you at least learn from this that the gift of living after the Flood is that now we are given a heritage of this Torah to make our own. Whatever your fandom is, you can make your own Torah midrash with it, and you should. By looking at these timeless stories through every new lens imaginable, we internalize more deeply the lessons to be learned. We can model ourselves after Noah’s strong work ethic and friendliness, or the ease with which is distracting into wickedness. It’s up to us to see through all the strengths and flaws of our ancestors and learn from them how to do good in the world. It’s up to us to choose what lesson we need from Torah in the given moment of each of our lives. May you find the Torah and fandom that speaks to your heart, may it strengthen your spirit and fortify your theology, and may it bring you joy.